So many things go wrong, you literally couldn't write it.
So yesterday was the day of my bunion surgery. It was surgery to attempt to rectify the bodge job that was done almost 10 years ago.
So the plan was to remove the two screws that were in my big toe joint and saw through the bone leading to the joint, then the knuckle would be moved and reattached using two new screws.
Not looking very glam before surgery :(
BUT.. the first screw came out easily whereas the second was embedded into the bone, so to free it the surgeon had to drill around the head of the screw to loosen it before pulling it out.
OH.. and just a foot note.. all of this was done while i was awake!
Yep all the tugging and sawing and drilling..
This is was i was left with slipper pot and sausage toes!
So after surgery everything seemed to of gone quite well as i was pretty numb from the knee down I was not yet stressing or in pain. My mum collected my things and the receptionist wheeled me out to the car. When i got in the car i was treated to a bag of goodies. Mum had been to M&S and treat me to a pack of sushi a cus cus salad box and my favourite danish. Hungry and excited i got in the car.
As we pulled away i realised there was no fork with the cus cus... FAIL #1
We pulled into a shop just down the road to get a drink;
'What would you like?' asked mother
'I would love a ice cold coke' I replied
Mother returns, disgruntled 15 mins later grumbling about the cue, BUT with plastic forks!!!
Then removes a ice cold can of DIET coke from the bag... I don't like diet coke...FAIL #2
It doesn't matter I insist as we pull out the car park. I will just have some water when we get home (we are 40mins away)
After going the wrong way mum finds herself in the town centre.
'i know where I am now' she insists...
Mum pulls into Tesco, adamant she is going to get me a coke. She finally returns with coke - its not very cold, but I don't tell her this.
So we are en route and 20mins later mum decides she needs to stop at the post office, which reminds me, I have a letter to post too. I asked mum to pass me my bag as I was sure I had some stamps in my purse...
'havent you got it?'
'no, i presumed when i asked you to get all my stuff out the draw you would of taken my bag and my clothes. are you telling me you just brought my clothes, and left my bag?!?'
FAIL #3
So a very grumpy Miss.Chaser and Mummy Chaser head back to Gainsborough Hospital..
25 minutes later we arrive at Hospital.. Mother goes inside and returns with said handbag.. phew.. Kindle, charger and purse still in tact #phew
We set off again for home.. 20 mins later just over Cainby Corner roundabout we both hear a 'rawwwww' I presume its some chav in a souped up Saxo or a motorbike behind us. Mother is adiment its not, she pulls over and gets out to investigate.
My exhaust has fallen off and is trailing behind the car FAIL #4
By this point the anaesthetic has well and truly worn off, i am in agony. Its like nothing i have ever experienced. Worse than child birth? Hell yes its worse!
So we are stuck in a lay by just over a busy roundabout, I call i friend for advice but it soon becomes apparent we are going to have to call the AA. Previous experience has taught me you can wait a few hours for someone to attend the scene then if they cant fix it you can end up waiting another 3 hours for a recovery vehicle.
I cant stand it, the mear movement of the car as other cars drive past is enough to bring me to tears. Desperate I call Nanna Chaser to collect me while Mother Chaser waits for the AA.
As it turns out the AA reach us before Nanna. Putting a sleeve on the exhaust and reasuing us it will last till we get to a garage. We then wait for nanna.. its been 35 mins.. she only lives 20mins away.. I am sobbing, I don't mind admitting this, proper ugly crying.
Nanna Chaser arrives in her old school low, 2 door, Honda Prelude.
There s no way I can get into that!
We decide I will stay in my car and nanna will follow us back to mothers.
The journey is horrendous, every slight corner or dip in the road causes me to cry out in pain.
Mother Chaser decided to take the back roads, not wanting to poke the bear so to speak, I don't mention that I was worried that the roads would be worse and therefore more painful.
I bit my tongue, quite literally. Trying to breath, internalise the pain. Deep breaths. Stay calm.
After a particularly painful bump over some railroad tracks. After a few miles of windy, bumpy, country road, we encounter EPIC FAIL #5!!!
SHEEP.. A full on flock of sheep being herded by two quad bikes and some sheep dogs. They span from hedge to hedge.. there is no way past and no turnings for at least 3 miles.
I THINK I HAVE DIED AND I AM IN HELL!!
This cant be real, Mother Chaser turns the car around and is forced to drive all the way back round the longer way.
We finally arrive home, exhausted and sobbing i hobble to to door on my crutches. Once inside the door I ask mother to hold my crutches while i attempt to shuffle upstairs to bed on my bum.
Mum drops one of my crutches on my FOOT!!
I finally claw myself into bed to cry into a comfortable pillow..
Apologies to the spelling and grammar police but I am quite dosed up on painkillers.
Also this is a blog - not an academic report.
Thanks for reading..
More insights into the whirlwind of the life that belongs to Storme Chaser coming soon.
Ciao for now guys & Dolls
xxxxxx
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